Attend a great talk by Jason Nazar at QB Connect on the topic: “21 Golden Rules on How to Persuade People”
The Basics:
- Persuasion is NOT manipulation – Persuasion is the science and art of getting someone to do something that is simultaneously in their and your best interest. By serving other people you can get everything you’ve ever wanted.
- Persuade the persuadable – Prospecting the people that are persuadable and narrow.
- Context & timing matter – I can persuade anyone given the right context and timing. People need to be in the right state of mind to absorb the content. Check out the Stanford Prisoner Guard experiment. http://www.prisonexp.org/
- You have to be Interested to be Persuaded – At any given moment 90% of time you are thinking about the selves: Money, Love, Health The art of persuasion is the art of talking about the other person. “Never talk about yourself, unless you are asked.” When we say the things with our months about what the are thinking in their head, you instantly have trust.
- Reciprocity Compels – We are compelled to reciprocate once we accept something. ” It is part of our evolutionary DNA to help each other out to survive as a species.”
- Persistence Pays – Lincoln ran for office 12 times before winning his first office. The person who is willing to keep asking for what they want, and keeps demonstrating value, is ultimately the most persuasive. Think about the movie, “Shaw shank redemption”.
- Compliment Sincerely – Read “How to win friends and influence people.” The lessons work! We are all so positively affected by compliments, and we’re more apt to trust people for whom we have good feelings. 1. Make it habitual, 2. Be sincere, 3. Give a compliment they typically they don’t get.
- Set Expectations – Much of persuasion is managing other’s expectations to trust in your judgment. Think about the movie, “Life is Beautiful”. Persuasion is about expectation and how you deliver against the expectations. “The most successful persuasive people set expectation and then over deliver.“
- Don’t Assume – “Let them make the decision when you persuade, it’s your job to offer the value.” People will find the time and money to do the things they want. Don’t ever assume what someone needs, always offer your value.
- Create Scarcity – “People want things they can’t have.” Besides the necessities to survive, almost everything has value on a relative scale. We want things because other people want these things.
- Create Urgency – “People think about what they want to do today, you need to create urgency today.”You have to be able to instill a sense of urgency in people to want to act right away. If we’re not motivated enough to want something right now, it’s unlikely we’ll find that motivation in the future.
- Image(s) Matter – “80% Most of us are visual learners”. Great example is drug commercial, the images are beautiful, but the words are terrible “instant brain explosion”. What we see is more potent that what we hear.
- Truth-Tell – “Look a person in the eye and tell the truth.” Sometimes the most effective way to persuade somebody, is by telling them the things about themselves that nobody else is willing to say. The mindset is “What are you pretending not to know”. Especially if it’s from a mindset of love and support.
- Build Rapport – We like people who we are like. This extends beyond our conscious decisions to our unconscious behaviors.
Learn more about Neuro-Linguistic Programming http://richardbandler.com/ For example, it’s mirroring and matching them. (e.g. If they cross their leg, you cross their leg)
- Behavioral Flexibility (Gives you Control) – “The best example of this is your kids”. They have a plethora of options to flex (e.g. Crying, holding breath, etc). It’s the person with the most flexibility, not necessarily the most power, who’s in control.
- Learn to Transfer Energy– “People that are persuasive gives energy to others” (e.g. Look in their eye, smile, touch a person hold for 2 second longer, then say the persuasive message). Some people drain us of our energy, while others infuse us with it. “Don’t be an energy vampire.”
- Communicating Clearly is Key – “Less is more, be simple and clear.” If you can’t explain your concept or point of view to an 5th grader, such that they could explain it with sufficient clarity to another adult, it’s too complicated.
- Being Prepared Gives you the Advantage – “Be prepared, know your audience, specific stories and information. ” Your starting point should always be to know more about the people and situations around you.
- Detach and Stay Calm in Conflict – “Disassociate from emotion, don’t let people get you angry.” In situations of heightened emotion, you’ll always have the most leverage by staying calm, detached and unemotional.
- Use Anger Purposefully – Most people are uncomfortable with conflict.
- Confidence and Certainty – There is no quality as compelling, intoxicating and attractive as certainty. It is the person who has an unbridled sense of certainty that will always be able to persuade others.
Find all the details: Forbes, 21 Principles of Persuasion
http://www.forbes.com/sites/jasonnazar/2013/03/26/the-21-principles-of-persuasion/